I love animals. I really do. But I have also come to the conclusion that cats are evil and they are trying to kill you.

I have comprised a list to illustrate just how they are trying to accomplish this.

Kneading On You
You may think this is a sign of affection, but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weaknesses.

Excessive Shoveling Of Kitty Litter
After using the litter box, your cat needlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room.
THIS IS PRACTICE FOR BURYING BODIES.

Staring Contests
If you get caught in a staring contest with your cat, do NOT look away. Looking away will signal to your cat that you care weak, an attack is likely to follow.

Bringing You Dead Bodies
This isn’t a gift. It’s a warning.

Hiding In Dark Places And Watching You
Your cat will often hide in order to study you in your natural habitat.

Sleeping On Your Electronics
Humans have superior technology. Your cat knows this and will attempt to disrupt all communications to the outside world. Keep your mobile phone close and fully charged at all times.

Pawing At Your Face While You Sleep
Cats aren’t very good at smothering people, but this won’t stop them from trying.

Sprinting At Light Speed Out Of Any Room You Enter
When your cat does this, it’s actually a failed assassination  attempt.