Canuckastan Press

For the record I do not support anyone guilty of driving while intoxicated.

This guy who was arrested for drunk driving just outside of Edmonton by the RCMP just took the level of epicness and turned it up to eleven.

I don't feel bad for the guy, he really screwed up and should pay the price. But should I feel bad for the RCMP officers who had to listen to this? They just experience a severe level of awesomness.

One of the best parts is just in the beginning when he starts singing. He takes his glasses off to show the seriousness of the song.

I am thinking that they will be talking about this bust for a long long time.

If you were arrested, what song do you think you would sing?

I was never "against" monkey butts, yet I am not sure I should be "for" monkey butts.

I'm still scratching my head as to what this stuff is for.

 I had an interesting conversation with some friends last night. The hens were going on about how useless men are and that we don’t have the endurance to keep up. Now if you are thinking that I am talking about sex, then you are wrong.

I am talking about how women tend to end up doing everything while we men sit back and watch it all happen.

I maintained to the peril of my life that it is just good management practice, not laziness. Delegate Delegate Delegate. And then delgate some more.

That is the key of being a good manager. Hire the best people to get the job done, I always say.

That way you can spend more time on what really matters. For instance, is it cheaper to drink Stout or Lager? Or who is hotter, Wonder Woman or Jamie Summers The Bionic Woman. Should I spend money on getting the hair removed from the inside of my ears. Very important stuff.

The conversation kept going on and that is when it all came clear to me.

Statistics tell us that Men die off faster then women. And I know why now. After listening to the hens going on about how hard it is to be a women and how men are slackers and what we men do is beyond comprehension. Being the one’s who cause strife and war in the world.

I know why men die sooner then women.

It’s because we want to!

I woke up this morning in a bit of a tither. For the last few months I have been struggling with my career.

For those who don't know me, I have been working in the IT industry for a little over 14 years. It started when I was in the Canadian Navy when there wasn't even the term Information Technology.

I have been through it all. I was even one of the founding engineers of the very frist internet company in Alberta. Even Telus wasn't in the areas we were at the time.

But I have reached the saturation point in my career. I don't care if you can't get your email. I don't care if you can't open a site. I don't care PERIOD! I don't fucking care anymore, you broke it, you fix it.

Not a good attitude huh? I know.

Now I am struggling with what I should do. I have lots of skills and some of them I should be able to incorporate from what I learnt in the military.

But I woke up and it hit me. The wall, I woke up so fast that I got up on the wrong side of the bed and hit the wall instead.

Then I had an idea.

I am going to become a PIRATE!!

I can run a boat up and down the rivers and pillage. I like the hours (work when you feel like it), I like being outside and I can wok on my tan at the same time.

Just to be even more devistating, I am going to wear speedos!

On the down side, the goverment doesn't like competition so they might frown on that. But fuck'em.

I don't know what I am going to use for weapons. Guns are too loud for me, and I don't like swords because I would cut myself on them.

Like I said, I just woke up and started to figure this out. I'll have to sort it out. Maybe crowd source it.

If I can figure out the business model, I might even franchise this.

But just a warning.. If your on the Saskatchewan River don't be surprised to see me.

Some of my favorite Demotivational Posters.

Getting ready for tomorrow.

Some of you may remember that a long time ago I had another website. It was a chronicle of my life living in Ireland, I had to go under a different name for my protection, I still use that nom-de-plume of Cranky Canuck. I still wasn't sure who I needed to be protected from. It was either the Irish or the Prime Minister of Canuckastan Steve the “Harpoon” Harper. I just wasn't sure but my money was on the Irish. During my exile in Ireland I had set up the Embassy of Canuckastan and implemented a strict security protocol. I had everything that you would need to make sure nothing would get me. I had a moat full of angry beavers, anti-aircraft artillery and an electric fence that I powered off of my neighbours power box. I even threw in a rabid ex-wife to cover the bases, you would be better off to deal with the beavers. I even consulted with Grandad, he knows how to run a tight operation. He even offered to lend me a manure spreader that could launch its load over the walls. It's great fun. So everything was running tickety-boo. Or so I thought.   There is this fat bastard who every year breaches my security and leaves a pile of steaming shit in my shoes. I have no idea what I did to him, and if it is about that flying mange infested reindeer that flew over the Canuckastan Embassy and got blown out of the air by my anti-aircraft artillery, then I did him a favour. A nose glowing red is a sure sign something is wrong and I saved him a lot of money on the vet bills. Santa-Bin-Claus seems to have declared war on me. But I have another trick up my sleeve parka. I am going to hire Seal Team Six. If they can find Bin Laden, I a pretty sure they can find Santa Bin Claus. If they can get him I am going to set their sights on Waldo, that bastard is creepy.